"Brrrrriiiinnnnggg!" Satan rushed to the oven and pulled a pan of his famous devil's food brownies out of the fire and brimstone. He stuck one pointy claw in the center, and it came out clean. "Perfect," he intoned. "Just like Mom used to make!" Just then, Scrimshaw, a junior demon, ran into Hell's kitchen. "Hey Chief, what's the yummy smell?" "Yummy?" queried Satan. "We do not use words like 'yummy' in Hell, dear Scrimshaw." "Sorry, Chief," said Scrimshaw.
"Can I have one?" asked Scrimshaw. "Only if you do me a favor first," replied Satan diabolically. "What's that, Satan?" asked Scrimshaw. "Well, I want you to go to Heaven and capture the one called God," Satan said menacingly. "What? No! I can't!" said Scrimshaw fearfully. "Well, OK," said Scrimshaw, reconsidering. "I guess I'll just have to eat one of the brownies before I go!" "What?!" thundered Satan in his best scary voice. "I, bestow one of my brownies upon a mere lower demon for no good reason!?" "Well," replied Scrimshaw, "you have to, or I'm not getting God for you. Satan raged and fumed, but there was not way out except to give the impudent imp what he desired. So the Devil gave the evil extortionist a brownie, and Scrimshaw was on his way.
While resting on the Earth's surface after leaving Hell, Scrimshaw decided to sample his prize. He took a huge bite, then spat it out in disgust. "Yuck! That really is the Devil's own brownie!" So he threw it on the ground, where it was discovered by a teenaged female basilisk, who quickly gobbled it up. "Oh my evil Lord!" she sighed. "What a delectable sweet! And just the right amount of mice intestines, too!"
She turned to Scrimshaw and asked, "You! Are you the one who held the brownie last?" "Uhhh...yeah," Scrimshaw said, seeing the basilisk's fangs dripping with acid, poison, and intensively carbonated soda. The basilish wrapped herself around Scrimshaw. "Your brownies are perfect," she squealed. "I must have more! And in return, I offer my hand in marriage." "Well..." Scrimshaw said, looking over the lovestruck basilisk, "It was the last one. I'll have to go make more." He turned around to leave, but the basilisk looked him straight in the eyes and he turned to stone.
"Ha!" the basilisk laughed, but soon the laughter faded. "Darn. I want more BROWNIES!" the basilisk slithered her way through the pathways of Hell, following the other demon's scent back to Hell's kitchen. "I WANT BROWNIES!" the basilisk yelled at Satan, who was startled by the sudden appearance of the slithery, hungry creature. "GIVE ME BROWNIES!" "No," Satan said, regaining his composure. "They're mine!" "MIIIINNNNEEE!" said the basilisk, and the looked at Satan and turned him to stone. The basilisk ate the last of the brownies and settled down to take a long nap.
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