For the TAB's Chocoholics Anonymous party yesterday, Caitlin came up with some parts of a 12 step program. I added the rest, and this is what we ended up with:
1. Accept that you have a problem with chocolate.
2. Admit past wrongdoings involving chocolate, even if they are elaborate, tragic, or disturbing.
3. Ask a higher power to give you strength to resist the temptation of sweet, gooey, creamy, rich chocolate.
4. Always be on your guard; you never know when chocolate will strike!
5. Satisfy your chocolate cravings with similar substitutes, like carrots or broccoli. If that doesn’t work, try eating a picture of chocolate--there’s lots of fiber, and no calories!
6. Talk to chocolate. Let it know who’s boss. Especially do this in public places. People’s weird looks will discourage you from eating it.
7. Don’t quit alone! Have a quitting buddy. Force your parents to let your quitting buddy live at your house. It’s for your health!
8. Get into a fun new hobby, like competitive cheese rolling or opening a local chapter of the Corduroy Appreciation Club.
9. Sue the chocolate companies. Give the winnings to our organization.
10. Mount an anti-chocolate campaign in your neighborhood. You could prohibit Girl Scouts from selling cookies, or, better yet, start a picket line at your local Wawa.
11. Take your anti-chocolate campaign on the road! Get a rock band together and sing about the dangers of chocolate at local schools. Eat the fruits and vegetables that the students throw at you.
12. If all else fails and you must eat chocolate, you are a hopeless cause. Go enjoy your M&Ms, and Rocky Road ice cream, and Mounds, and Hershey’s Kisses, and Twix, and Junior Mints, and Snickers, and Three Musketeers, and Kit Kat, and Moose Tracks ice cream, and Reese’s Cups, and Kandy Kakes, and Rolo, and Sugar Babies, and Cadbury Eggs, and Moon Pies, and Oreos. . .
